Have you ever felt that your parents always tried to ignore your feelings or blamed you for everything? If yes, then it is possible that you have experienced pathogenic parenting.
Pathogenic parenting is not a common parenting style, but a process that deeply affects the mental development of the child.
Especially when the parents have a lot of narcissistic tendencies, then this situation becomes even more serious for the child. In this article,
we will go deeper into pathogenic parenting and understand how it affects the self-esteem, thinking and relationships of children.
What is pathogenic parenting?
Pathogenic parenting is a parenting style in which parents inadvertently or intentionally behave with the child in a way that harms the mental and emotional development of the child.
Pathogenic parenting examples include interrupting the child repeatedly, ignoring his/her feelings, or always trying to prove the child “weak” or forcibly separating the child from the other parent.
In such a case, problems like anxiety, depression, trust issues and identity crisis are seen in the child’s personality. All these are considered pathogenic parenting examples.
All these weaken the child’s self-worth at a deep level, which is why how pathogenic parenting affects mental health has become a serious psychological topic.
A study by pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov shows that children who experienced parenting with less affection and more control (pathogenic parenting) are more likely to have depression,
self-doubt and suicidal thoughts in their lives. Therefore, it is important to understand the signs of pathogenic parenting and know the ways to avoid it.
Related: How to be a Good Father According to The Bible
Signs You Were Raised by a Pathogenic Parent
Do some things from your childhood always make you restless? Like you think that “no matter what I do, mom and dad are never happy” or “I always feel guilty,
but what was my fault” all these habits make it possible that your childhood was affected by pathogenic parenting.
Pathogenic parenting is such a parenting that slowly breaks the emotional and mental health of the child even without beating.
Some common signs of pathogenic parenting are
- Getting punished for expressing your feelings in the family
- Parents always behaving cruelly towards you
- Parents ignoring your feelings.
- Taking responsibility of the happiness of parents on yourself
- Low self-esteem and always feeling a fear in yourself.
The effect of pathogenic parenting negatively affects the lives of children and it takes away the happiness from the lives of children.
If you have also faced pathogenic parenting and now you want to recover, then it is important that you try to recover from it.
Related: The Truth Behind the Fatherless Daughter Life
Pathogenic Parenting vs Toxic Parenting Comparison
| Aspects | Pathogenic Parenting | Toxic Parenting |
|---|---|---|
| What is? | Parenting that deliberately harms the child’s thinking and psyche. It confuses or emotionally manipulates children. | Where a parent, without realizing it, suppresses a child’s feelings such as by frequent criticism or a lack of affection. |
| Intention | This is often intentional, such as provoking a heated argument against the other parent. | The intention is not bad, but due to their trauma the parents end up harming the child. |
| Effect on the child | The child’s identity, self-esteem and relationships are deeply affected. | The child starts considering himself inferior and develops anxiety or guilt. |
| Exampls | Teaching the child to hate the other parent, seeking attention by pretending to be sick. | Saying things like “You can’t do anything”, “It all happened because of you” over and over again. |
| How to recover? | Therapy is necessary because the child is hurt at a deep level. | Healing is possible with awareness, boundaries and support. |
Causes: Why Do Parents Behave This Way?
In pathogenic parenting, the behavior of the parents often disturbs the child mentally and forces them to think why the parents are doing this.
Actually, pathogenic parenting does not arise suddenly, there are many deep reasons behind it. When we try to understand “What is pathogenic parenting?”,
the answer is not hidden in the strange behavior of the parents, but in their own life experiences. If they have suffered emotional neglect,
pain or control in their childhood, then they repeat the same behavior with their children without understanding that this can hurt the children.
Many times this happens because their own feelings have never been understood, and due to this they also ignore the emotional needs of the children.
They do not find it necessary to understand the feelings of the children. This is the reason why signs of pathogenic parenting and examples of
pathogenic parenting behavior are often associated with similar experiences. Following are some points that explain why parents behave like this.
1. Childhood Trauma
Many parents themselves have been victims of emotional neglect, abuse or controlling parenting in their childhood; they have been unloved and their feelings have been ignored.
When they grow up and become parents themselves, they often unconsciously repeat the same pattern because it feels “right” or “normal” to them.
In such cases, we see pathogenic parenting examples, where a parent inadvertently imposes his unhealed wounds or pain on the child.
He does not consider the child as a means of healing, but as a reflection of his old wounds and this behavior later gives rise to signs of pathogenic parenting and psychological consequences of pathogenic parenting.
2. Narcissistic Tendencies
Sometimes the parent’s narcissistic personality forces them to exert control over the child. They view the child as a “property” rather than an independent human being.
Guilt-tripping, manipulation and blaming the other parent are common examples of pathogenic parenting behavior.
Parents use the child against the other parent, which has a negative impact on the child’s future and thinking ability.
3. Mental Health Conditions
How pathogenic parenting affects mental health is serious not only for the child, but also for the parent,
because it is a parenting style that puts both the parent and the child at risk of mental stress. If the parent has untreated depression,
anxiety or a personality disorder, they may display behaviors that fall under the category of pathogenic parenting, such as emotional blackmail, isolation or brainwashing.
4. Divorce & Alienation Dynamics
When a parent uses a child to take revenge on the other parent after separation, it is directly related to parent alienation syndrome and pathogenic parenting and parent alienation syndrome.
Its side effects affect the child’s life and have a negative impact. This situation not only shows signs of pathogenic parenting but also affects the child’s relationships in adult life.
This pathogenic parenting has a cumulative effect on the child which can turn into anxiety,
identity confusion and emotional detachment. These are the psychological consequences of pathogenic parenting.
But you must understand that healing from pathogenic parenting trauma is possible through related therapy, emotional awareness in the child or parent and supportive environment.
Psychological Effects on Children of Pathogenic Parenting
Childhood is a time when a child needs love, security and support from both parents but when one parent deliberately provokes the child against the other parent or tries to mentally isolate him/her,
then this situation becomes extremely dangerous. This is called parental alienation syndrome which is a part of Pathogenic Parenting.
In this, the child starts disliking one parent even if he/she has done something wrong or not. Its effect does not last only for that time, but it also affects the child’s mental health, self-esteem and future relationships.
Low Self-Esteem
When one parent repeatedly speaks ill of the other parent or tries to bring him/her down in the eyes of the child, then the child starts getting confused about himself/herself.
This question arises in his/her mind “If one of my parents is so bad, then am I also like that?” This thinking gradually weakens his self-confidence and the child starts feeling uncomfortable about his own existence.
Dr. Amy J.L. Baker’s research (2007) has documented the experiences of many adults who were victims of parental alienation in childhood and as adults had to face problems like low self esteem, identity confusion and guilt.
Anxiety and Depression
When a parent emotionally blackmails a child or fabricates false stories or tries to control the child’s thoughts and decisions excessively, the child feels insecure and surrounded by fear.
Such pathogenic parenting examples directly affect the child’s mental health. According to a report by the American Psychological Association,
when children are constantly emotionally abused, it becomes common for them to struggle with problems like anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.
Trust Issues in Adult Relationships
Impact of pathogenic parenting on adult relationships shows that such children grow up to have difficulty trusting others and many fail to form good relationships. The line of understanding love and hate in their lives becomes blurred.
Guilt and Emotional Confusion
Children feel that if they love both parents, they are doing wrong. This is an important part of the psychological consequences of pathogenic parenting, so they often suffer from stress in life and become emotional quickly.
Identity Confusion
Whom do I love? Who is telling the truth?” These questions keep coming in the child’s mind again and again.
This is one of the main signs of pathogenic parenting which affects the child’s performance in every aspect of life such as education, relationships, job etc.
because the child always has a regret in his life that he did not behave well with his other parent or his parents did not behave well with him. This thinking of the child takes him away from the family emotionally.
Related: Psychological Effects of Single Parenting On a Child
How to recover from pathogenic parenting
Have you ever felt that your childhood experiences still cause you emptiness or insecurity? If yes, then you may have faced pathogenic parenting.
To forget the past and heal the future, you must first journal and create boundaries. According to an American study adults who recognize and process childhood trauma have
a 65% higher chance of long-term emotional stability. Now the question arises how to heal the emotional wounds caused by pathogenic parenting,
the answer is that recovery from childhood emotional wounds is not easy but it is definitely possible. Recognizing your experience and understanding yourself is the real beginning of this journey.
Remember healing is possible but it starts with self-awareness and support, so control your emotions and start recovering.
Conclusion
In this article, we understood that pathogenic parenting not only affects the child’s life but it also completely destroys his self-confidence.
Especially when it comes in the form of narcissistic parenting, its effect is even more serious.
There are many examples of pathogenic parenting definition such as repeatedly blaming the child, ignoring the feelings of children, or suppressing children’s decisions.
Recognizing this and recovering from it is the first step towards mental peace in life, so do not spoil the present due to bad childhood memories and try to recover, for this consult a psychology specialty.
FAQs About what is pathogenic parenting
Q1. What is pathogenic parenting?
Pathogenic parenting is a parenting style in which the parent’s behavior directly or indirectly harms the child’s mental, emotional, or social well-being, such as emotional distancing from the child or turning the child against one parent.
Q2. Can a narcissistic parent be an example of pathogenic parenting?
The truth is that parents who use a pathogenic parenting style are narcissistic parents because they try to control and manipulate their minds.
Q3. What is a pathogenic family?
A pathogenic family is a family where the relationship is based on fear, anger, or control rather than love and support. This is called a pathogenic family.
Q4. What is it called when one parent speaks ill of the other parent?
This is called “Parental Alienation”, and if it happens repeatedly, it can be considered a part of pathogenic parenting.
Q5. What does Pathogenic mean?
“Pathogenic” means ‘causing disease’, meaning making a child feel any kind of deficiency, such as making the child feel that you are not capable of doing something successfully. In the context of parenting, it means such parenting that harms the mental or emotional health of the child.
Q6. Is pathogenic parenting always visible?
Often pathogenic parenting is not visible and it is not easy to know from someone’s home which parenting style the child is affected
by because pathogenic parenting includes giving silent treatment to children, showing excessive guilt, or depriving the child of emotional support, which happens silently.
Q7. What effect does pathogenic parenting have on children?
It can cause low self-esteem, anxiety, trust issues and problems in future relationships in children.
Q8. Do divorced parents practice pathogenic parenting?
If divorced parents use the child as a weapon or incite them against the other parent, this is a type of pathogenic parenting because one parent is raising the child against the other and wants to gain complete control over the child.
Q9. What is the difference between pathogenic parenting and abusive parenting?
Abusive parenting often involves physical or mental violence, while pathogenic parenting involves subtle forms of emotional neglect, manipulation, or guilt-tripping that disrupt the course of the child’s life.
Q10. How does a child feel when he or she is a victim of pathogenic parenting?
Such children often feel lonely, guilty, and emotionally confused, and many children become more aggressive as they grow up, and some remain so innocent that people take advantage of them.