I don’t know why my child gets scared at every little thing… Checks things again and again, asks again and again – Is everything okay? Is there something wrong?”
If you have ever felt like this and said in your heart, “My child’s OCD is driving me crazy” then you are not alone in this problem.
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is not just a habit in children but is becoming a deep mental challenge. But the worrying thing is that most parents either ignore it or try to handle it in the wrong way.
This is why it is important to know how to help a child with OCD at home so that we can handle the struggle of children with understanding and empathy.
In this article, we will share 5 tips on how to parent a child with OCD which are based on research, experience and advice from experts. Know how to help kids with OCD without hurting the feelings of children.
What is OCD in Children?
OCD is a mental condition in children in which they repeatedly have fear, anxiety or strange thoughts in their mind,
such as “If I do not do this work properly, something bad will happen.” To get rid of these thoughts, the child repeatedly does a particular task,
such as washing hands repeatedly, making sure to close the door, counting things or arranging things in a perfect line, these are called compulsions.
What can be the common symptoms of OCD?
- Repeatedly asking about the environment: “Is everything okay?”
- Excessive cleaning or handwashing
- Frequent interruptions in daily activities
- Being quiet at school or at home
- Anger or sadness when interrupted from performing rituals
- Spending too much time alone or daydreaming
How does OCD harm children?
- Physical exhaustion: Repeatedly doing the same thing tires out the child’s body
- Mental stress: Children do not understand what is happening to them, which leads to feelings of guilt and shame.
- Decreased performance at school: Attention is diverted from studies and stress may increase.
- Social life is affected: It becomes difficult for the child to make friends and play
- Low self-esteem: They feel that they are “weird” or “wrong” so they lose their confidence.
The most important thing is that OCD is not caused by stubbornness or bad parenting. It is a neurological condition in which the balance of chemicals like
serotonin in some parts of the brain gets disturbed. It is completely possible to identify and get treatment for it, but OCD can also be controlled at home.
Source: Related Data
Is OCD caused by stubbornness or the fault of parenting?
No, OCD is not caused by the upbringing of parents. It is a neurobiological disorder in which there is an imbalance in the level of serotonin in some parts of the brain (such as orbitofrontal cortex and basal ganglia). Due to which problems like OCD are seen in children.
Source: National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
Common Parenting Mistakes that Can Worsen OCD in Children
It’s natural to worry as a parent when your child repeatedly asks questions, washes his hands, or repeats things in a certain way.
But sometimes our ill-informed reactions can worsen a child’s OCD. Following are some common parenting mistakes
that are important to recognize and correct, especially when you’re looking for information like how to help a child with OCD at home.
1. Repeated Reassurance
Children repeatedly ask, Papa, is everything okay?, Did I touch dirt?, Is something bad going to happen and you repeatedly reply, yes son, everything is fine.
But doing this repeatedly actually strengthens the compulsions of OCD. Answering the child repeatedly gives him immediate relief, but the child’s mind learns that he needs someone’s help every time to get out of fear,
due to which he starts asking again and again, like a kind of mental addiction and this can become a habit which can be very difficult to get rid of.
2. Not Accepting or Ignoring OCD
Often parents think that everything will be fine as the child grows up, but note that if the child’s fear or repetitive behavior starts interfering with his studies, sports, or relationships, then it is not a minor matter.
Ignoring OCD means letting the child’s suffering increase. This is not a “phase” that will go away on its own.
Rather, according to research, if OCD is identified in time and handled wisely, then its treatment is possible and the child can live a normal life.
So if you are thinking how to help a child with OCD, then the first and most important decision is to accept the child’s problem. Understand that your child is not doing all this intentionally,
but his mind is forcing him to do so. When you accept that something is not right, only then you can take steps towards the right help.
Related: The 5 Most Influential Child Development Theories
3. Scolding, Shaming or Punishing
During OCD, parents often say such words to the child like “Why do you do the same thing again and again?” “This is all your drama.”
But it is very important for you to understand that the child with OCD is not doing this intentionally, but a strong fear in his mind is forcing him to do so.
When you scold or shame him, he starts hiding his problem from you. He thinks that “Mom and Dad will feel bad, now I will not tell anything.”
And when OCD starts working secretly, it becomes even more difficult for parents to recognize and help the child.
Therefore, if you are looking for answers to questions like how to help a child with OCD or how to help kids with OCD, then the first step is to understand the child’s problem and not to get angry at him.
4. Delay in Taking Therapy or Professional Help
When symptoms like OCD are seen in the child like washing hands repeatedly, counting things, getting scared repeatedly, then many parents think,
“These are useless things” but they do not know when this thinking becomes their biggest mistake.
There is still a lot of shame and misunderstanding in the society about OCD. But the truth is that the sooner the treatment starts, the sooner the child can improve.
5 tips on how to parent a child with ocd
1: Identify OCD as Separate From The Child
Many parents unknowingly make their child’s problems his identity, such as “You always keep counting things”, “You are crazy”. These things may seem trivial, but leave a deep impact on the child’s heart.
It is very important to explain to the child that OCD is not his identity, but it is a small glitch in his mind,
a kind of disorder that can be cured. When we identify OCD as separate from the child, we give the child the strength to fight his problem and not consider it his weakness.
Name OCD – Strength is built from your words
Help children identify OCD with names like “Mr. Worry”, “Doubt Monster”, or “Repeat Boss”. By doing this, instead of blaming himself, the child understands that there is something outside of him that he can fight. This reduces his guilt and increases his self-confidence.
Example: “Whenever you feel that you have to check things again and again, think whether this ‘Mr. Worry’ is speaking, will we listen to him or ignore him.
You should understand that never make the child’s habits his identity because by doing this the child can also suffer emotionally due to which his brain development can stop or the child can also be mentally tortured.
Related: Is it Normal For My Teen to Have Mood Swings?
2: Validate the child’s feelings, so that he does not feel alone
We parents often say, “Why do you do this again and again?” Without understanding that these words can make the child feel even more lonely and helpless,
especially when the child is struggling with OCD, thinking that saying “everything is fine” will calm him down can be a big misunderstanding.
What does it mean to validate?
Validating means not considering the child’s feelings as false or trivial, but showing that you understand his problem and are with him in it.
For example, if the child says, “I have to wash my hands again, I feel dirty”, then do not say “Oh no, everything is clean” but say that I know you feel like washing your hands again and again,
this is because of OCD. We will fight this together”. This sentence assures the child that his problem has been understood, not avoided. This assurance is the first step towards mental improvement.
3: Avoid Accommodating Rituals
When a child is struggling with OCD, he or she performs certain “rituals” to relieve his or her fears and anxiety,
such as repeatedly washing hands, checking the door, or repeating the same question over and over again.
Initially, parents try to calm the child by answering these questions, but this method only strengthens the OCD in the long run.
What is accommodation?
When you repeatedly respond to the child’s anxiety, or participate in his or her rituals (such as checking the door with him or her every time)
it sends the wrong message to the child’s brain that “yes, this fear is real and needs to be avoided.
This is why experts emphasize that parents should avoid “accommodation,” that is, those OCD activities in which the child asks the parent to participate.
4: Adopt Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) Scientific way to fight fear
When you think, “My child’s OCD is driving me crazy”, this frustration also happens because you want to make him feel better, but you don’t know how.
In such a situation, there is a treatment which is not only scientifically proven, but psychologists and therapists around the world consider it the “gold standard” for OCD. It is called:
Exposure and Response Prevention ERP means Exposure (facing the thing that is feared) and (stopping the compulsive action done in response to fear).
For example:
If your child washes his hands repeatedly (due to fear of germs), then in ERP he will be gradually asked to delay washing hands for some time,
such as for just 10 seconds in the beginning. This exposure will increase anxiety,
but when he does not wash his hands despite that, the brain gradually learns that nothing bad happens despite fear. As a result, the child learns to control his habits.
5: Praise small efforts and do not lose hope
If you are also thinking how to help a child with OCD at home, then first of all it is important to understand that the process of improvement in the child is gradual and appreciating every small effort makes a big difference.
Children with OCD fight their fears and worries internally throughout the day. If today he was able to wash his hands once less instead of washing them repeatedly,
or checked the door only 8 times instead of 10 times, then this is not just an improvement, but a courageous effort for him.
So praise them so that their morale is strengthened, tell them “I am proud of you that you tried to avoid OCD for a minute. You are very brave.
This sentence deeply touches the child’s confidence and shows him that you understand his fight and are supporting him.
Related: Teach Your Child Responsibilities — 7 Tips to Get Started
Psychological Approach
Positive reinforcement, that is, immediately recognizing the child’s good behavior and praising it, is very effective in OCD management.
The 2019 report of the American Psychological Association (APA) shows that when children’s small efforts have been regularly praised, their OCD symptoms have reduced by up to 30%.
Therefore, to strengthen the morale of children during OCD, it is very important to understand their feelings and praise their efforts and this greatly increases the chances of their improvement.
When to Seek Professional Help
When the child’s daily life starts getting affected due to OCD, such as not being able to concentrate on studies or being afraid of going to school, habits like washing hands repeatedly,
checking the door or counting take more than 1 hour, sleep, appetite or family conversations start getting affected, the child starts isolating himself socially,
then all these are red flags which tell that you should meet a child psychologist or OCD specialist as soon as possible.
Because OCD is not a habit, it is a neurobiological condition and it cannot be treated only by explaining or scolding the child.
The International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) states that if OCD is ignored in childhood, it can become more complicated in adulthood. Therefore, in such a situation, professional help must be sought.
Why Early Support Makes All the Difference
If OCD is handled wisely in the early stages, then the chances of recovery of children increase manifold. This is the reason why how to help a child with OCD at home is not only accomplished by providing support at home,
but also by seeking professional help when needed. So whether you are reading 5 tips on how to parent a child with OCD, or wondering how to help child with OCD,
taking a trained expert along is the best step. Because this can improve the child’s future, but if it is not controlled in time, then this OCD negatively affects the child’s future and personal life.
Conclusion On how to help a child with OCD at home
A child struggling with OCD needs not just treatment, but the right understanding, patience and lots of love from parents.
If you think “My child’s OCD is driving me crazy,” then you are not alone, so do not worry too much but always be ready to make the child normal.
When you start knowing how to help a child with OCD at home or how to help kids with OCD, then you slowly start turning their fear into strength.
The 5 tips mentioned in this article on how to parent a child with OCD show you this path. Just remember one thing: they need to be understood and treated lovingly, not scolded.
Do not punish the child for his mistake, but explain to him that he should not let this problem overwhelm him. And this is the answer to the question what should you not tell your child with OCD.
FAQs on Parenting a Child with OCD
Q1. My child’s OCD is driving me crazy. Am I doing something wrong?
Living with a child struggling with OCD can be exhausting, but it does not mean that you are failing or it is your fault. The solution is that you understand how to help a child with OCD at home and gradually take steps in the right direction, but for this you need strong motivation and mindset so that your morale does not weaken.
Q2. How do I know if my child has OCD or is it just a habit?
To understand this, you have to keep in mind some things like if your child does the same thing again and again and feels restless if he does not do it,
such as washing hands repeatedly, putting things in a line, then these can be signs of OCD. But still show the child to a doctor so that he can confirm whether it is the child’s immaturity or he is a victim of OCD.
But for this it is important to know how to help child with OCD so that you can take the right action for the child at the right time.
Q3. Is OCD just stubbornness which can be cured with love?
It is not at all possible that the child’s problem will end just by loving him because he does not do this on his own will, rather it is his problem,
it is a neurological condition of the child. By adopting suggestions like 5 tips on how to parent a child with OCD, you can understand them deeply and start their improvement in a better way at home.
Q4. How can I help my child while staying at home?
The most important thing in how to help a child with OCD at home is patience towards the child, change in routine, and understanding the triggers. Also, if needed, connect with a therapist who is trained in therapies like CBT or ERP, they can help you a lot.
Q5. Does OCD get cured on its own?
In very few cases, it happens that the child’s OCD problem ends with age, but this happens very rarely because most children need proper guidance and professional help. Therefore, it is important to know how to help kids with OCD so that we can support them on time and improve their future.
Q6. What should you not tell your child about OCD?
This is a very important and thought-provoking question because if you say some negative words to the child during OCD, then he can suffer emotionally,
such as you should never say, “Just stop all this,” or “You are pretending.” This makes the child feel embarrassed and starts hiding his condition.
Its side effect will be that the child will stop sharing his feelings with you, which will make it difficult for you to understand the child’s condition.
Q7. What kind of things should I say so that the child feels better?
During OCD, the child needs the support of the family and parents, which he gets from positive things. Tell the child: “I am with you and you are a very courageous child, we all love you very much. A big part of how to help child with OCD is that you recognize his feelings and try to spend good time with him.
Q8. Should I support my child in his compulsions?
It would not be right to do so because it may seem easy to do so in the beginning, but in the long run it can make OCD stronger and the child more helpless.
That is why in 5 tips on how to parent a child with OCD, it is also advised that we gradually help the child to get out of compulsions and protect him from OCD.
Q9. Will it be right to tell the school and teacher about OCD?
You should understand that this is very important. The role of the teacher is important in understanding and supporting the child’s behavior in the right way,
so they should also know about the child’s condition so that they can treat him properly. Otherwise,
the situation can get worse and by telling the school, you will get better support in how to help kids with OCD because teachers will also help you in this.
Q10. Can online therapy or apps be helpful?
Yes, it is possible, many online platforms like MindPeers, BetterLYF and YourDOST are capable of helping in OCD management nowadays. You can understand how to help a child with OCD at home and can also implement it in a better way.